my room, the coming time

so yesterday i went to oegstgeest (next to leiden; my room is there) to pick up my keys and then to wait for my father who'd come with my bed and stuff.

Sooo, it was cool to finally have the feeling of owning a room, a place to live. I met two out of three roommates (we share kitchen, bathroom, toilet, and living room). Nice people. Quite international too! Together with one of the two girls i'm one of the two dutchies. The other one i met is a girl from Curacao (or how do you spell that?); the other boy, whom i didn't meet, is from China, studying in the Netherlands for a year... how cool :D

now, the coming time, i.e. CTTB...
i have been hoping, wishing, praying to go there for some years, really. Have been superglad i'm going there.
But as it gets closer, i get afraid a bit :(
fears include (and i think there aren't more):
A). whether i'll fit into the community: my life long fear, and some negative experiences, of new people (like i was afraid of my roommates too, before i met them, now i've seen them i know they're very kind people).
B). Whether i'll survive the schedule. :P
B'). Whether i'll be strong (emotionally) enough. With respect to the schedule and the amount of meditation and missing my parents and siblings and friends (though the last ones haven't really been seen by me in the past time)

talking them from my mind:
A). probably yes: the people at Rabten Choeling, the monastery i stayed in for a midweek last summer, were simply great personalities, great stories. And i don't think people at cttb will lack those. And if there's one thing i should have learned from china is that my intuition that people a priori don't like me and i have to remove their dislike is really a totally mixed up belief with no proper basis.
+ a bit of solitude can be good - i, of all people, should know that

B). well, i'm not the only one there and i never read something about people dying from at cttb from the schedule. And in fact, i have had quite disciplined days the last years (though not that early! and busy... :P)
B'). Well, i've been through stuff, some stuff, but i'm not really strong i guess - i'll learn to be. perfect.

In the mean time, i've got one week left in holland, activities include:
-today: working at the museum;
-sunday: working at the museum (last day ever, will have a goodbey later)
-monday: no plans yet, though i should get a plan cause if i don't i'll waist my day doing nothing (i.e. surfing on the net and reading too much)
-tuesday: idem to monday
-wednesday: to oegstgeest again, to get more stuff there, an entire day this time.
-thursday: packing for cttb
-friday: flying - will be a hard day, missing quite some hours
-saturday: either friday or saturday will be my arrival in CTTB - yet to figure out.

peace,
fedde